Surviving
by GraeLeigh3
Summary: Emma DeLauro is keeping a deadly secret from her feral friend. Will she discover it before it's too late?
1. Nightmares

Disclaimer: I don't own them if I didI wouldn't have killed Emma DeLauro, the character with the biggest potential. But I don't, so don't sue me, I'm not making any money out of this, just borrowing them for a short while.  
Summary: Emma DeLauro is keeping a deadly secret from her feral friend. Will she discover it before it's too late?

Rating : PG.  
Timeline: Beginning of season 2.  
Feedback: Much appreciated of course.

**Chapter 1 Nightmares**

The nightmares are back, stronger than before.

Ever since I joined Adam and the team, I was always keeping everyone at arm's length, trying not to let anyone too close. Although it was hard at time, especially with my feral instincts.

Then one Adam sent us to rescue two new mutants. I'll never forget the look on Emma's face on our first encounter: wonder and fear. Both mixed in the depths of her baby blue eyes.

After that, and their joining our team, things had changed, she herself did.

She surprised herself sharing long conversation with the younger woman, even girly talks, something she never did before. Neither of them did she corrected. Being a mutant was a lonely curse and she was glad Adam found her all those years back. She'd likely be long dead by now. So now she felt comfortable in returning the favour. Of course there were hard times like in every mission. But the rewards were numerous, and being able to help Emma cope with her powers was certainly one of them. She feared that because as a small girl, she knew the power of the mind were the most powerful, and she had a glimpse at what dark source could do with them, she'd turn evil.

Although she claimed having no memories of being split in two.

Jerking upright, Shalimar Fox sat in her bed, listening to the disturbing noise.

No doubt it came from Emma's bedroom. Soft muffled whispers.

She waited a couple minutes to see if she felt back into a much quieter sleep.

When she did not, she got up, grabbing her robe by the back of a chair and approached the connecting door noiselessly. Cracking it open a few inches, her eyes turned feral to adjust to the darkness bathing Emma's room.

Lying on her right side, a pillow clutched tightly to her chest, knees rode up in a foetal position, she was whimpering, trying to muffle the noises in the soft fabric. Frowning at the display, Shalimar patted barefoot to her side, kneeling by the bed. Laying a hand on Emma's thigh she called her softly, trying not to startle her.

Emma's entire body was drenched with sweat, her white pyjamas glued to her skin, revealing her alabaster skin. At first she didn't respond to Shalimar's presence but a minute later she looked up at her, her eyes glaring.

"What are you doing here? Get out!" she stammered taking Shalimar aback. She wasn't used to hear Emma speak so harshly. She was without doubt the most caring in the team.

Grabbing Shalimar's hand resting on her thigh, she tried to move it away but without success. When it came to physical, Shalimar Fox was the stronger of the two. Now that she knew something was wrong with the psionic, she had no intention to leave.

Using her free hand, she switched the bedside lamp on, blinking against the light.

Her eyes switched back human but her whole body tenses at the display before her: Emma's face was all puffy from the tears she had shed. There was something awkward in her posture; it was rigid in a way she couldn't explain.

From where they where clenching the pillow, she took Emma's hands in hers then took the pillow aside, onto the floor. After her earlier outburst, she expected a reaction, some resistance but nothing.

Her eyes lowered, Emma didn't look at her, chewing on her lower lips. At first, she thought it was from fear of her reaction, she indeed tended to be unpredictable and she might get back to her from her previous outburst. But her feral instincts kicked in and more than fear, it was pain she felt.

Standing up, she released Emma's hands and taking hold of her shoulders, she tried to lay her on her back. For the first time, she felt the younger woman resist her, effectively blocking her attempt. Only her head turned to the ceiling.

Surprised, Shalimar looked up to her face, to see Emma's furrowed in deep concentration. It was a strong contrast with her earlier state.

In an instant, realisation flashed into Shalimar's mind: although she never did it before, or at least she wasn't aware of it, the psionic was ready to use her telempath powers on her.

Thanks to her uncanny fast feral movements, she brought her hand to Emma's face. Surprised by the action, she didn't lash her psycho-burst.

As she removed her hand, Shalimar was greeted by Emma's deep exhale of breath. Caressing gently her feverish cheek, she knelt by her side, her other hand coming back to her earlier position, resting lightly on the redhead's thigh.

That move had worn her out, she was desesparetly trying not to close her eyes, to fight slumber. But judging by her current state, the battle was already lost.

Her hand moved from her cheek to her hair, brushing through the damp hair. Her rhythmic movements seemed to smooth her as her breathing slowly deepened and her heartbeat caught a more normal rhythm.

Nuzzling further against Shalimar's hand, trapping it between her face and the bed, Emma finally let sleep win. Her last coherent thought was that Shalimar was there, it was safe to sleep.

Watching Emma fall into a much quieter sleep, Shalimar was almost satisfied, if only she'd forget she was the reason of Emma's condition.

_End of chapter 1 - Please review :D_


	2. Guilt

Here is chapter 2 of my fic.  
Thank you to all who took the time to read and review. Glad you like i :D

_Disclaimer : see part 1._

**Chapter 2 Guilt**

An other goose chase after Ashlocke turned into a deadly trap whose only aim was to lock her. Plan worked until Ashlocke had cornered her to some cell. But as he was about to strike her with a laser, Emma appeared out of nowhere, shielding her from the attack. They crashed to the ground, Emma on top of her.

Ashlocke hovered over them but dizziness hit him and he retreated, shutting the cell's door.

Thanks to her feral easiness, she didn't loose consciousness in their fall. But it took her long minutes of struggle to entangle herself from Emma without injuring her even more. Finally able to crawl from under her, the sight of Emma's back was burned into her memory. Her navy blue sleeveless shirt was a total mess, a huge hole revealing burnt skin, she could feel the heat radiating from it although she was a good foot away.

Getting ride of her leather coat in a flash, she dropped to her knees by Emma, uplifting her face to stuffle the makeshift pillow under. Then she went to remove the remains of the shirt from her body, painfully greeding into the redhead's skin, worsening her medical condition.

Taking hold of the hem with both hands, Shalimar ripped the offending garment in one swift movement, leaving it gaping open. She made quick work on her bra's clasp, disposing of it in the same way : open but not touching the injured area in any way.

All along, she concentred her feral senses on Emma : her breathing was erratic and her pulse way too fast. She had to get them out of here, and fast.

Looking around for the first time she realized they were trapped. Ashlocke had closed the metallic door before his escape.

"Fuck it" she groaned, she hated being trapped.

Reaching the door she tried the knob but of course it was locked, would have been too easy. But the "gonds" didn't seem to strong, she'd easily kick them out of their "path".

Emma's moans made her return to her side in two short strides. Kneeling by her face, she lowered her face till it was eye level with Emma's. A mix of saliva and blood tickled from her mouth, incoherent "propos" mixed with whimpers.

"Emma ? Emma do you hear me hun ?"

Laying a hand on her bare shoulder, she tried to jostle her gently to lead her back to consciousness. She couldn't split into a coma, she had to stay conscious a minimum. Until the rest of the team came to rescue them. But it was not likely since neither of them was wearing their com ring.

"Emma", she tried again, "you have to stay with me. Emma ? Com'on Emma focus on my voice. I'm here with you … Emma ? Damn it ! Emma !"

After long minutes of pleading, Emma's eyes fluttered open. Unfocused at first, then locked with Shalimar's. Relieved beyond reason, Shal flashed her a wide smile, happy to see Emma conscious enough to keep her eyes open.

"Hey you. That's much better. Stay with me Emma"

"Shal …. Shal ? You okay ?", she mumbled, even more blood running down her mouth.

She felt tears stuck in her throat, it was slowly downing on her the situation they were in. But she couldn't let Emma see her worry, her state was bad enough. Working pas the lump in her throat, she smiled reassuringly at the younger woman.

"Shhh … Emma", she tried to smooth her, stroking her cheek gently. "don't talk. I'm fine thanks to you"

"Good", was her mumbled reply before coughing agitated her body.

Cursing, Shalimar patted her shoulder gently, wincing when noticing more blood dripping from her mouth. Taking deep calming breaths, she tried to reassure herself. It didn't mean that her lungs were hurt, she'd have bitten her cheeks in the fall, or broken a tooth.

Yeah right, she argued silently with herself, Ashlocke did this, she don't know what his sick idea was but certainly something meant to hurt them, well her because it was meant to her in the first place.

Long minutes went by as she debated with herself on the best course of actions : staying with Emma, praying for help, or leave her here and hope she'd make it back fast enough to save her.

Or she'd just curl into a tight ball and hope for those damns walls to stop closing on her.

A wave of nausea rose slowly, a bad case of claustrophobia. How she hated that part of her feral DNA.

That and the heat thingie. Well, as time went by, that one might have been the easiest to go through. Enter a club in heat and there were plenty of men, and women, to hit on her. Even though it made her feel dirty in the morning. Not that she had any trouble with swinging both ways, but once the tension eased and the heat period was over, part of her felt ashamed for using them as nothing more than mates. Not that she recalled any of them complain about it. Or about the occasional bite marks.

_End of chapter 2, please review :D_


	3. Comfort

Okay folks ready for chapter 3?  
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my fic. Truely means a lot :D  
I realize this story has never been beta read, so please excuse my poor grammar.

**Chapter 3 Comfort**

"Shal ?" came Emma's whisper.

They hadn't moved from their earlier position and Shalimar's back screamed at the wrong posture. Sitting up, she sat sideways by Emma's waist instead of kneeling, and gave the young woman a reassuring smile.

"How you feel ?" she inquired, her hand rose up to push aside her fringe.  
"Better" she offered but winced as she tried to roll back onto her belly.  
"Liar" she stated, her voice filled with concern – "Wanna me to help ?"

Looking up, Emma met her friend's eyes, so full of concern and sorrow.  
She knew how she kept beating herself up for what happened a week ago. Shalimar had always been an unpredictable electron but when it ended up hurting the one she loved, her guilt was palpable.

She was sure everyone in their team felt it although she was the only telempath.

She thought about dismissing her, to put up a brave face and send her back to her room. But she couldn't. Although it was dangerous, she didn't have the heart to. They had grown pretty close over the months, and keeping her best friend at arm's length when she was visibly hurting from the whole situation, was not something she was ready to do.

She wanted her here, by her side, to keep the shadows away.

She'd worry about the consequences in the morning.

"Emma ?" Shal's voice took her out of her reverie.  
"Hum ?"  
"Wanna me to help ?"  
"Sure, I'd appreciate that." she confessed, truly meaning it.

Standing up, Shalimar stretched in a very feline way, the movement causing her black top to ride up a little, revealing strong abs.

Once done she peered down at Emma "Ok ready wanna lay on your belly for now ?"

Emma smiled, that was the good side of having a best friend, no need to tell her over and over again what she needed, she just knew.  
Well her instinct, and it has been the same routine since Ashlocke had hit her with that laser. Since Adam released her from the lab for which she was thankful.

She wasn't very comfortable in the lab with that window overhanging the room.  
She knew the boys were checking on her every now and then, the whole thing truly scared them.

Shalimar was an other story. She, so protective usually, "territorial" as Adam put it, was nowhere around the first day. Nowhere to be seen, but the psionic felt her, not very far, probably just outside the lab's room. Her fear and guilt assaulting her mind. In her weak state, she couldn't block those emotions, which kept crashing over her in waves.

Well aware of her distress, Adam put her in a telempath proof room, much like he did when any mutant would loose control of his/her powers. That way she was alone in her head and recovered quicker.

Well that's what Adam thought with her help. None of them would know it was an illusion before it was too late. She wouldn't have them focus on saving her when Ashlocke was out there trying to destroy the world, and her Shalimar.

Shaking her head, she cleared her mind, she didn't want to go there just now. She has taken her decision a week ago and was perfectly fine with it. Shalimar and all the others would live, her sacrifice wouldn't be that high.

Besides, apart from kicking bad guy's ass and saving the world, she had not much more to expect. It was not like Shal would return her feelings any day. Friendship was all she'd hope for.

She felt Shalimar's warm hand slide under her torso, the other cupping her hip. Dragging her slowly to the center of the bed, she gently removed the hand encircling her torso to rest it on her shoulder. Applying pressure on both hands, she lowered Emma on her belly without effort.

All the while, Emma concentred on some point on the far wall, well too aware of Shalimar's breathing on her neck, her hair tickling her upper shoulder.

Since that nightly routine started, she took the habit to wear pyjamas to bed instead of not matchint garments.

She knew it wasn't wise to let Shalimar in every night but keeping her illusion all day drained her and had no strength left to fool her at night. Their rooms wereconnecting onesand she could distinctively hear her whimpering, as much as she tried to muffle them.

So she let Shalimar in, and once she was sound asleep by her side, she'd stop the illusion and get some sleep.

There would have been an easy way out, leave the sanctuary and never look back. But that would hurt every member's feelings, she couldn't do that to any of them. Besides, Shalimar would certainly run after her to know the real reason. And she wasn't so sure she'd have the heart to lie to her, even if it meant loosing her for good, earlier than planned.

_End of chapter - Don't you feel like reviewing? lol_


	4. Emma's plan

Wow still many readers and reviewers. Thank you very much to you all. It means a lot to a writer.  
Chapter 4 is posted below, let's hope you'll like it as much as the previous one.

**Chapter 4 Emma's plan**

And the fear of dying away from those she loved was crushing her heart.

Ashlocke's plan was rather simple, but thanks to her psionic powers, it backfired. Thank God it did.  
Invading Shalimar's mind whenever pleased him wasn't enough. He wanted her to turn to him "willingly", in his crazy way of thinking.  
Trapping her in a place where her friends couldn't find her was the first step of his sick plan

The laser was the next one. Using his powers would have certainly killed her. After injecting the antidote, Adam explained her how it worked. The laser shot some kind of virus which aim was to spread on the skin, burning it completely in a little over a week. The starting point being the burning caused by the laser.

In a couple days he certainly hoped she'd beg him for the antidote. Emma doubted she'd have, not her style. If any of her friend's life was at stake she might have, but she only? Not a chance.

Her plan, if it could be called that, was simple. Make them all believe Adam's antidote worked. That way they'd concentrate on finding Ashlocke and destroy him. Although she didn't know what was really going on, she felt Shal ready to seek revenge for hurting her. Her territorial instincts kicking full force. That's why she had to hide her medical condition, she couldn't let Shal kill Ashlocke, she needn't to. For the next few days she hadn't mentioned him invading her mind. Either he was too weak for that, or Shalimar had finally succeeded in fighting him. She was on the right path, no need to jeopardize it.

Once she had Emma comfortably laying on her belly, Shalimar stood byits head, contempling her work, lost in thoughts. Through the pyjama's top, the bandage could be clearly seen. Adam has insisted she kept it the coming weeks, the skin still oversensitive. Then Emma was ordered full rest in her room. Shalimar has insisted in staying at the Sanctuary as much as possible letting Jessie and Brennan handle their daily routine. Not very surprised by her request, Adam accepted.  
He knew it was useless to fight Shalimar when she was giving voice to her feral side.

Contempling the bandage, Shalimar resisted the urge to skim her fingers over it. All of them wished to put the past week ordeal behind and keeping getting back to it wasn't the best way to do it.

It has been a close call again this time, and the memory of an unconscious Emma lying still in her arms made her shiver. Never again she had vowed.  
If Emma survived this time, she'd take better care of the younger mutant.  
Then the rest of the team went to their rescue and after an awful day wondering if Emma would make it, Adam announced she was on her way to recovery. Ashlocke's plan had backfired, Adam's antidote worked.

As she felt tears slide down her cheeks, she saw Emma prop herself on her elbows, turning her head sideway, trying to catch Shalimar's glance. Whipping the tears with the back of her hand, she smiled at the young woman, trying to reassure her with a lopsided smile.  
Not sure it worked, the next minute Emma patted the empty space next to her in a silent invitation.  
Shaking her head from side to side, she tried to refuse but Emma insisted so she gave in.

Getting ride of her robe, she wrapped it at the back of the chair before joining Emma. Laying on her side she scooped next to her side.  
Shifting her weight, Emma welcomed her by draping her arm around her waist, bringing her even closer.

Locking her eyes with hers, she gave her a warm smile before asking her to stop the guilty trip.

"I can't" she whispered back, feeling fresh tears coming.  
"Shal, would you stop it? It's not your fault, ok? I don't blame you, noone does, so please stop it".  
"I can't Emma. I almost get you killed back there" she shouted, her temper rising.  
"I'm fine Shal, everything is back to normal. And you saved my life there, remember? You overwhelmed your claustrophobia and went back to save me. You saved me Shal"  
"No, I …"  
"Yes you did. You saved me. And I'll keep repeating it to you till it's clear in your mind. You saved me"  
"But you …"  
"I nothing. We are partners Shal, we watch each other's back and do whatever is necessary. If the same situation were to rise, I'd do it all over again"

Both were crying freely now. With a gentle tug on Shal's lower back, Emma dragged her closer, until her face was buried in her neck.

As much as she wanted to, she couldn't drape her in her arms, her back hurting way too much. For long minutes, Shal wept into her friend's arms, vaguely aware of the gentle caress on her lower back, smoothing her. Emma had moved just enough to allow her to move into her arms, their upper chest crushed to one other, Emma's head resting on top of hers, Shal's hands trapped between their bodies.

She went here to offer comfort, and she was receiving it.

Emma was too good to be true, she wondered, not for the first time.

Both exhausted, they fell asleep, finding solace in each other's arm.

_End of chapter 4_


	5. Revelations

This story has not been betaread, so all mistakes are mine.  
Hope you'll still like it. This story is a work in progress so next chapters will be posted as I type them.  
To darnella: this chapter is emotional too.  
Again thanks to all readers and reviewers, every reviews makes my day :D

**Chapter 5 Revelations**

As she woke up with the sun gently bathing her room, Emma already missed her presence. She never sensed her leaving, this night had been no exception.

Stretching legs and arms, she winced when the pain on her back arose as well.

"Time for more painkillers" she thought

If the prospect of dying and leaving Shal didn't make her feel so sad, she'd have laughed at the whole situation. Routine had never being her way of living. Maybe because routine didn't feel safe, routine meaning trust in a certain way. And until she met Adam and joining Mutant X, trust was definitively not something she associated with her powers.

But these days routine ruled her life, not that the whole situation made her feel safe, but if she wanted her plan to work, she had to stick to it. So her routine was well established: since the pain was greater from sunset on, she slept late in the morning ; getting dressed took a tremendous amount of time, especially with the spreading of the virus on her skin.

It took her more and more time to find a suitable outfit which wouldn't show glimpse of her skin. And it was certainly not in Shal's wardrobe that she'd find long sleeved shirts! Possible leads of Ashlocke's whereabouts usually kept the rest of the team away from the Sanctuary. But Adam was always there when she exited her room. He always nudged her towards the lab to run the IDD on her, making sure the virus wasn't back. Thank God he had no idea how much her powersgrew these past few months, ever since she joined them.

She didn't have any reason to hide them anymore so they developed in an exponential way. At first it scared her but now she was thankful, that way she'd create that illusion which would keep her friends alive.

They usually regrouped at the end of the day. And she wouldn't miss the gym/breathing seances with Shal for anything in the world. It gave her strength and occasion to spend time with the feral. And a part of her assumed that once gone, Shal would cherish these memories/time together.

Getting up was getting more and more difficult since rolling on her back was out of question. Still lying on her belly, she'd use both hands to lever her upper body off the bed then retreat to kneel on the bed. Then she'd crawl out of bed on all four. All together this usually took her at least half an hour.

Glancing at the alarm clock on the nightstand, she realized she had been staring daydreaming for over one hour now. She'd better hurry up if she didn't want Adam to come check on her.

Sighting, she was just getting on her feet, using the nearby chair to steady herself, when her door flung open, revealing a very dishevelled Shalimar Fox. The second they eyes locked, Emme Delauro knew she was in trouble. Shal's eyes turned feral, her lips a thin line.

Rage and anger plastering her features. Invading her room, she marched towards Emma, stopping only when they were toe to toe, their faces only a couple inches apart.

"You're in no state to be up Emma, go back to bed" she announced very matter of factly, an arm snaking to rest on Emma's hip, gently pushing until she sat at the foot of the bed.

Flaggerbasted, Emma didn't respond at first, trying to understand what was going on in her friend's mind.

"Shal? What's wrong?" she unquired, unwilling to use her psychic powers on her friend.

"Cut the crap Emma, will you?"

"What are you talking about?" she tried again, not sure she liked the turn of events. Shalimar couldn't know, could she ?

Tapping her foot impatiently, Shalimar took a couple calming breaths before peering down to her friend.

"You perfectly know what's wrong Emma. You're dying" she stated, new tears she had being repressing ever since she entered the room, running freely now.

Dropping to her knees, she repeated 'you're dying' over and over again, like some kind of mantra. On pure instinct, Emma's arms snaked around Shal's bare shoulders, the pain in her back totally forgotten. The vision of a distraught Shalimar far more painful. Resting her head on Shalimar's, Emma let the feral weep in her arms, her tears drenching her top. It took long minutes for Shal's cries to subside. When they did, Emma felt her friend's body relax.

Fearing she'd fall asleep in that position, Emma kissed her forehead gently, effectively rousing her.

Watching her closely, Emma couldn't help falling in love with the blond hair all over again.  
Her eyes were red, puffy from the tears, her hair a mess but her beauty was breathtaking just the same.

Clearing her throat, Shalimar retreated to sit on her ankles, wiping at her cheeks furiously with the palm of both hands.

"I'm sorry Emma, didn't mean to..." she started not daring to look up to her friend.

Smiling, Emma used her left forefinger to force Shalimar to look up to her.

She had to know, to be sure that this was not some sort of nightmare.  
Maybe Shal just woke up from a one and mixed it with reality.  
It already happened in the past.

But the second she looked deep into Shal's eyes, she knew Shal was fully awake, her eyes focused, not dreamy a second.  
Which meant she knew, really knew …

_End of chapter 5 - More to come ..._


	6. Falling apart

Ok chapter 6 is posted below. Sorry it took longer than before to update but real life is time consuming lately.  
Hope you'll still like it, let me know what you feel/think.

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**Chapter 6 Falling apart**

I'm falling apart.

I don't know what came to me earlier, but now, as I look deep into Emma's eyes, all my anger vanishes, replaced by fear.  
The irational fear that struck me a couple hours ago is back.

For the longest time, I wondered what it was like to be a telempath. Over our conversations, Emma told me how she was improving in controlling her powers, how she blocked the waves of emotions assaulting her mind.

Last night, as I was lying peacefully in Emma's arms, I felt it, it wasn't just my imagination.  
I felt how it was to receive waves after waves of emotions, pain, fear, love, longing ; and many more I couldn't quite decipher.  
Among those, the first one was painfully strong. Strong and different since I not only felt the emotions, I saw them. Once I did, I had no difficulties guessing they came from the woman lying beside me.

As her fear and loneliness assaulted my mind, I sat up trying to not wake her up, she looked so peaceful. Then when I glanced around gathering my surroundings trying to idetify the source, I grabbed at my temples as a new wave of emotions hit me. As it decreased a little, my eyes landed on Emma's back to see if I had woken her up.

As realization hit me, I finally saw everything she has being hiding from all of us.  
I saw them, black ugly scabs.

The plaster on her back was much larger than it was when Adam put it. It was covering it all, from her shoulderblades to her lower back.  
No wonder she couldn't sleep on it. Through her white pyjamas I saw that the virus had already spread to the back of her legs, her arms as well. God how could I have been so blind? I thought she was feeling the cold lately but she was just shielding her body from us.

And the worst part of it all is that all of this is my fault. I'm the reason why Emma is dying. Sure when I went after Ashlocke on my own, making sur that noone could track me down by removing my ring, I kinda forgot that my best friend, the always so caring Emma wouldn't let me face him alone. That she'd there, no matter what.

And I discovered this morning that the price to pay was high.

My disconfort forgotten, I clapped a hand over my mouth, as a wave of nausea hit me. I felt sick, ready to throw up.  
Jumping out of bed in a very unfeline way, I ran to the bathroom, my stomach emptying itself painfully.  
I dropped on my knees by the toilet.

Once done, I sat cross legged, a sweaty hand covering my eyes, my back to the wall. I didn't trust my legs to support me just now.  
My breathing was erratic so I focused my mind on the opposite wall, taking deep calming breaths.  
When I felt I'd trust my legs again, I almos ran out of Emma's room, unable to face the situation.

My run took me to the dojo, sitting now in a more secluded area of the sanctuary.  
Adam felt that since Genomex and Eckhart, our strongest ennemies, have been destroyed, our daily training wasn't that much necessary anymore.  
And it wasn't in hand to hand fight that we'd defeat Ashlocke.  
Damn why do all have to come back to that bastard?

Turning the simulator on, I gingerly sat the program up to its highest level. Level which would usually entertain me for long hours, as many as 26 holograms looking like GSA agents were assaulting me. As I was puching, kicking, sending them flying one by one, I'd feel my body relax in a very uneasy way. If i didn't need any more proof what a dumbie I was, fighting on an empty stomach proved it all again.

Cluching my teeth, I increased my efforts unwilling to stop. Seeing Ashlocke's fac in every single hologram kept me from thinking too much.

Kept me from thinking about Emma DeLauro, yet an other victim of my reckleness. Fighting with all my willpowers against dizzynes, I reached the end of the level, unharmed.

Sitting cross legged in the middle of the dojo, I tried to regain control of my body by taking relaxing breaths.  
But it just wouldn't work. Every time I closed my eyes, the beautiful, almost girly smile of Emma would greet me.

Stumbling to my feet, I pondered my next move.  
Adam was surely the best one.  
As he left Emma under my care, he lectured me: brining her back to the lab if any complications arose. This whole situation surely fitted in that category.

I'd go to the lab and drag Adam to Emma's room where he'd take this matter in hand.  
Sure I'm tempted but a feeling keep creeping at the back of my head.  
Emma surely had a reason to act that way. And I'd at least give her the opportunity to explain herself.  
Then I'd drag her myself to Adam's lab, by the hair if I had to.

I won't take any shit from the young psionic.

_End of chapter 6, chapter 7 against some reviews... :)_


	7. Supporting her

Thanks to all who read and reviewed so far, it means a lot.

I can't believe it took me a month to upload a new chapter, I'm sorry about it.  
Chapter 7 is below, I hope you'll like it, it's one of my favorite.

**Chapter 7 Supporting her**

As my eyes plunge into Shal's, I can't help but give her a reassuring smile. She's hurting so much, I have to do something.

Strangely enough, my heart hurts more than my head. It's not that her emotions aren't raw and painful, I guess it's because it's Shal and having her close always smoothes me.

She always had that power over me. Whenever I'm hurting, might she know it or not, her sole presence smoothes my mind. Her arm around my waist, surely the most efficient shelter I've ever known.

No that she is conscious of it, I doubt she sees herself the way I see her. She's a feral, reckless and unpredictable most of the times. But then she can be incredibly caring. Her touch and attention all I need when I'm low. Not that she'll ever acknowledge her soft side; she prefers to be seen as a hard nailed fighter than a caring friend. But she is, just the same.

Sitting on her ankles, she wipes some more at her eyes with the back of her hands, clearly pissed at herself.  
The emotions thrown at me are diverse: fear, bitterness, anger, and love, so much love.  
I'm not childish to think she loves me as more than a sister.

When I joined Mutant X she took me under her wing, doing her best to ease my integration. And she succeeded, in barely a month.  
I felt at ease around them. More at ease than I've ever been around anyone my whole life. I felt I'd trust them, I was safe…  
For me, it was a giant step. Ever since my powers arose, I closed myself from the others; I didn't want to read them, trying to keep some hopes and faith in humanity.

But I can't just switch this power off; it's a part of me.  
Mutant X teammates showed me how to trust, how to let people close without fearing the worst.

"Emma?" comes Shal's irritated voice.

I guess I must have missed some prior conversation by the tone she's using now. Too lost in her, in the perfect beauty of her face, the sparkle in her brown eyes.  
I'd stop falling for someone so out of my reach.

Blinking rapidly, I realize my hand is cupping her jaw, my thumb caressing her cheek. No wonder she's a little irritated, with ferals comes personal space which I really invaded.  
Removing my hand in haste, I instantly miss the touch, the softness of her skin.

Finally dragging my eyes back to hers, I force a smile to my lips, hopping she's not too pissed. Today might be special, but ferals have their issues, just like everyone else.µ  
I'm surprised to find her smiling back at me, not just a polite one, but the toothy one. The one she gives in too rare occasions. Ok finally she might not kill me just now.

Both her hands are resting flat on my knees, and I can't help but smile at the display we'd offer an outsider: me sitting on the edge of the bed, Shal kneeling by my side, her soft hands resting on my lap. It takes me a while to realize those are now moving. Almost imperceptibly, a feathers touch, only her slim fingers from their place on the inside of my thigh. Looking down, I'm again mesmerized by her hands, so comforting. But since she knows, she is even gentler than usual, clearly afraid to hurt me. She's such a doll.

Looking deep into her eyes, I pat the empty space by my side, hoping she'd join me; I start to feel the tension in my neck at looking down at her.  
Damn virus, I'd watch her for hours if I could.

Her radiant smile not leaving her lips, she rises to sit by my side. Once done, she laid a comforting hand on my knee, squeezing gently. Instinctively, I cover it with mine, entwining our fingers. I look at her profile as she observes our joined hands, a heavy sigh escaping her lips.

"Why?" she asks gently, her voice barely a whisper.  
It's my turn to sigh. Shal is among the persons who go straight to the point, no matter what.  
As irritating at it can be.

"How do you know?" I ask right back.  
Finally looking at me, her left hand rising to move my fringe out of my eyes, her fingers lingering a moment more.

"I asked first" she answers calmly, watching me closely.  
"I don't know, felt like the right thing to do" I blurb. I wasn't expecting to answer that question just now. But again it's Shal I'm having this conversation with, I'd know by now she doesn't do anything half way.  
"Dying feels right?"  
"Not, but you living does" I answer honestly.  
"I can't let you die Emma, you know that" she states.  
"It's not your decision to make Shal, it's mine"  
"No, it's not, I won't let you"  
"I didn't decide to die Shal, I decided for you to live…for you all to live" I add hastingly, not wanting for her to question my motivations.

Saving those I consider now as my family and the world, sounding safer than her only.  
But God knows I'm doing it for her only, it has always been about her.

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_End of chapter 7, don't you just wish to review it :)_


	8. Living without her?

Hello people, it's update day for my fanfictions . I hope you'll like this next chapter. You know I'm dying to know your feelings about it.  
Thanks to all readers and reviewers so far :D

**Chapter 8 Living without her?**

She has been agitated all night, unable to find sleep. Neither can I. The scabs cover about all her body now, she can't move an inch without whimpering.

Ever keeping her eyes open is pure torture.  
I know what the coming hours will be like: she'll turn calmer, but not from relief, but from the pain numbing her.  
Then once her skin is fully infected, the virus will turn to her organs, making it impossible for her to breath, her lungs ceasing to function little by little, and in the end her heat will stop.

I watch as she tries not to yelp out loud, her face turned to nestle in the pillow, the others are the relaxing room nearby. We can't take the risk they hear us.

For the zillion times today, I wonder why I agreed on this. But then I look at her and it hits me again: she's my friend, the best I ever had and I have to respect her wishes. I'd go to hell and back if the situation was inverted.

But she's although the woman I'm totally crazy about, helplessly in love with, and I have to fight the urge to call Adam every now and then.  
And it's getting harder and harder with every passing minute. I just don't see myself living without her around anymore.

Reaching for the now dry washcloth covering her forehead, I plug it back into the bucket of ice resting by my feet on the floor, before putting it back in place. The icy cloth against her feverish skin startles her but she's too weak to turn her face away.  
Besides in a couple seconds, it will be as hot as her skin.

She watches me through half closed eyelids. I know what she is trying to tell me: "respect my wish Shal. Please do"

Lying beside her, I reach out and lay my hand on her belly, covering her joined one. I feel her tense at the contact but I don't step back, the contrary in fact.  
My front is nestled to her side, my chin resting on top of her head.  
"It's not skin touching transmitted hon', don't be afraid" I murmur, wishing to smooth her.

I feel her relax against me. I wish I'd scoop closer and hug her so tight to me; one wouldn't know where she starts and where I finish. If only it was that simple: merging into one body and share the pain.  
I'd do it in a flash, if that meant saving her.

Once more my mind drift back to the years before Emma joined us. When Mutant X was just at its beginning, when there was no database and they were hunting new mutants by reading the newspapers or watch local cable network.

They fought hard to try to protect the children of GenomX against their creator. It wasn't easy, they didn't know the mutations could be that great, and could range from molecular to psionic, from energic to feral.

All of this was a mystery at first, even for Adam Kane.

Working with Adam then Jessie was great, they worked efficiently together, in a couple months they established an efficient way of working which saved them a lot of time.

She had always been lonely, used to live and function alone. It took them all times to get used to work together. But they did quickly.  
Before Emma came into the picture, it was just the three of them.

Sure at first she felt threatened by Emma's arrival, just like Jessie must have with Brennan's.  
She even feared they wouldn't go along at all. But they did, and in no time they became close friends.

And now, a couple hours from her death, she just knew she couldn't do it.  
Raising her hand to her mouth she called Adam through her com ring.

A strangled cry escaped Emma's lips as she did, but this time she didn't flinch, only thing in her mind was saving that woman.

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_Well that's it for chapter 8, what ya think :)_


	9. Fear

**Chapter 9 Fear**

_12 hours later_

- "We have a zillion dollars equipment here and you say you can't do anything?"  
- "Shal it's not that simple… Ashlocke …."  
- "Stop it" she screamed in his face, "I don't care about Ashlocke right now", turning around sharply, she went back to stand by Emma "all I care about is her".

As Shal's voice calmed, Adam was once more mesmerized by the effect they had on each other. The minute Shal's fingers ran through Emma's red locks, she went calmer.

The way there were around each other, how they'd always train then meditate together. He wondered why they kept their relationship a secret. Fear of non acceptance or just plain wish for privacy? Sure the new might change the relationship in their team a little, but it'd only be for the best. Jessie and Brennan were good guys, they'd be happy for them, their sisters. It might be harder on Jessie, since Shalimar and him had grown pretty close over the years now, sure he'll be hurt by their lack of trust in sharing their love with them.

Shal's exasperate sigh took him back to the present. She was now crouching by Emma's side, her left hand resting over Emma's laying joined on her belly, the other caressing her forehead. Her back to him, he'd imagine from the way her back trembled, she was crying, again.

Shal was among the mutants the most driven by their emotions; it was part of her animal DNA. Emotions and instinct making ferals incontrollable mutants. He had never seen her cry much in the past but she had spent the last 12 hours doing so. He hoped he'd find a cure for Emma. In her current condition, she hadn't much time left. If only he'd take a look at the laser Ashlocke used on her, he'd try to reverse its effects. But how to ask any number of the team to leave now? There was no guarantee as how long it'd take them to find an accurate lead on Ashlocke, and even less on finding him. It might take them a lot to convince the blond feral.

Approaching Shal's side, he led a comforting hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly. She didn't respond to his touch, so turning on his heels, he exited the lab and joined the boys outside.

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_End of chapter 9, chapter 10 almost ready..._


	10. Confrontation

Awww three years without updates, I am really really sorry but thanks for the reviews inbetween, that kept me wanting to finish this fic and kick my muse.  
So here is a whole new chapter!

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- "Shal, I had no other choice, I had to!", he yelled, matching her tone.

He was dead tired from keeping vigile by Emma's side and runing endless tests on her while the others went away.

- "You killed her, in cold blood!", she stated, staring right into his eyes, her voice icy  
"You killed her", she repeated.

They were standing by Emma's side in the medical lab.

As soon as the double helix landed at the Sanctuary's gate, Shal was out of it, running wildly towards the lab, Adam met her halfway. His presence didn't slow her pace, quite the contrary. The minute she saw him, the minute she knew. Her lips torted in an angished "no" but no sound escaped them. Standing her her way, he prepared himself for some hardf fighting, but as he grabbed hold on one of her fist, she freed herself in no time, all he came up with was her jacket, Emma's blue leather one.

From the short distance, he heard her strangled scream as she reached the lab. Joining her a few seconds later, he found her standing a couple feet away from Emma's bed, her hand laining against the wall for support, the other draped accross her abdomen.

That's why he wanted to talk to her first. They talked about possible treatments two days ago, but it was something to see those in use.

Emma was even paler than usual,her lips a light shade of blue. The scabs were now covering over 80 per cent of her body, making it impossible for her to breath by herself.

So he had to intube her. The IV in her right arm was of magnesium and oligo-elements to keep her strength up.  
A white sheet was covering her body, now naked from the waist up.  
He felt horrible when he had to undress the young woman. She seemed so fragile, he felt like he was somehow assaulting her, using her weakness against her.  
It was the complete opposite, but he just couldn't help feeling sick as he slowly got her out of her pyjamas top. All members of the team were like his children now and undressing one of them, especially in a weak state, made him feel incestious, like some pervert.

Last time they had been in a similar situation, it was Shal who took care of Emma. Stripping her from her black leather outfeet to change her into a lycra top and matching shorts, much more appropriate for medical exams.

He wondered briefly if they were already lovers back them or was it later? After Emma died with that modern vampire?

Shuffling into his black jeans front pocket, he removed the silver ring, then went to stand by Shalimar who was still standing unmoving, lookingdown to Emma. The second he touched her, as if burned, she jerked around, pushing him harshly against the lab's door, her eyes feral. Not at all impressed by her display, he grabbed her by the upper arms, making her look at him. She was clearly not expecting this and just looked at him with shock, her mouth slightly open.

- "Shal, listen to me. I had to do something. She was dying. We talked about it, and she said ok. She waited for you Shal, she fought hard but she just couldn't anymore"  
Opening his right hand, he presented her Emma's com ring  
- "She wanted you to have it", he finished in a whisper.

When she made no move to take the ring, he grabbed her hand and shoved the object into it. A low growl escaped the blond's throat, she was coming back to her senses now.

And she was clearly pissed. Looking from the ring to him, she took a step closer, their faces only an inch apart.

- "You killed Emma Adam. You could have saver her but you didn't"  
- "Shal you have totally wrong. She needed helpto breath. Now I have time to find an antidoe to the virus. I..."  
- "You, it's always about you Adam. You created Ashlock, you refused to terminate him, you, it's all your fault", she stated all too calmly, her eyes shifting back to normal.  
- "Shal, ..."  
- "You killed her"

Deciding retreat was his best option for now, Adam left the room, leaving Shalimar with Emma.

She felt numb, and unsure of what to do. Some parts of her knew she had been unfair to Adam, that he did his best, but the result was the same: she was alone now, just like before.

Staring blankly at the ring on her palm, she turned to Emma taking into her every feature: her fiery hair, the closed eyes which she might never open ever again, the lips parte around the tube. Fighting a wave of nausea, she slid the ring in her pocket before sitting by Emma's side. Taking a icy hand in hers, she started talking to her best friend, small talks like they used to.

Like she hoped they'll again.

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_I love reviews! :)_


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